For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
