He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
