Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
