drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's just like the Real World with babies
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
