if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
