she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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