i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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