First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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