They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize