i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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