he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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