it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
