Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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