we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
