The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
