We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
