this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
