i would punch a child for taco bell
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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