shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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