i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
