Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
