Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
