the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
