Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
