A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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