i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
