You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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