Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
