i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
