Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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