yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
