I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
