The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The air was thick with penises
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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