after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
