He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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