why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
