Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
