Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
