I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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