It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Drake has all the answers
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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