Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
