Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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