I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
