Someone shit on the floor
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
