I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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