if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
