Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
