dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize