i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
