your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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