alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
