yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
