My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
