New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
