Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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