I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
