I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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