No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
