Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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