i permit you to call me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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