I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
