dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can text with my tongue
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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