You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
