that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
