Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
