do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
