My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
