I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
