Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
