So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
