What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
