Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
